RANDOM THOUGHT #3

I seriously SERIOUSLY think my hormones are going loco right now.. The smallest things tend to irritate me lately. Like drivers nowadays! Seriously! I think people forgot how to drive. Here I am going 70 MPH on the freeway, and a car driving SLOWER than me cuts me off. Wow! If you're going to cut me off, at least go faster! I need to start pressing on my horn now, just so I can let drivers know when they're doing something wrong. I think I'm developing road rage....... Father, please give me the grace I need to be patient with my fellow drivers.
And school. I changed my major yet again because I've decided that I'm going to teach elementary students. So my major is now Liberal Studies. The reason I changed it is because I am too nice, and I fear that if I teach high school, my students will take advantage of me. Ehh.. And one day I'll teach at the college level. One day soon.
I've always wanted to go to this certain Christian college ever since I was in high school. However, it's like 4 hours away, and tuition is like the average $30,000 a year. So of course, my parents scorned upon the idea of me going there when I first presented them that option for my uppergraduate studies. One: because I am the only girl in my family. And two: tuition fees. That was in high school. Two years later, I asked them again if I can go there, and they said I can as long as finances weren't an issue. So I was excited! And so, I'm starting to prepare myself to go there. But since I changed my major, I have to stay at De Anza longer in order to fulfill the pre-requisites.
Work is pretty fun. I kill time talking with Jennifer and Jeanedine. I just feel very blessed and thankful that I still have this job, even in the midst of this recession. God truly is always going to be Jehovah Jired, My Provider.
So to be honest, I haven't been very happy with myself lately. The struggles that I deal with in myself take a really big toll on me. There are times where I was so filled with God's joy. But there are also times where I'm just the opposite. I don't have joy. Mood swings? I don't know.. I think my struggles just overwhelm me sometimes, especially when I stumble.. Oh how I stumble.. That's when I'm not happy with myself. But I know that God is always a forgiving God. I think I just have trouble forgiving myself when I make mistakes..


Oh Lord my God, please keep me close to Your heart. No matter what I'm dealing with or going through, all I long for is intimacy with You still. I know my struggles and circumstances don't change who You are to me and in my life. Please grant me the strength that I need to keep fighting and rising up for You. In Jesus's mighty name, Amen.